Color by Lucy Moore

50 Shades of Grey

Without me even realising you slipped back into my life.

I fall into your arms, I am comforted by your cold embrace as you drain from me my emotions.
I take sanctuary. I withdraw from my mind.
You provide an emptiness which I can fill.

Taking in every inch of me, I fall deep and hard, hitting the bottom with such severity everything numbs.
I carry on like nothing has changed, tricking myself into the delusion that I am still ok.
Tricking you into my illusion that I am still ok.

But you entice confusion, lying just beneath the surface and I’m so scared because I don’t notice that you have come.
I don’t notice that every little thing suddenly feels numb.

But that is how you control me, like a marionette I am enchanted by your command,
Moving to the somber beat of your rhythm sleep, eat, repeat.
Nothing is exciting anymore
Nothing is appealing when you’re here
Nothing is everything I feel

The blues play with my skin, hopelessness smooths itself over my contours,
Anxiety creeps into the crevasses of my limbs,
Leaving me vulnerable to the vultures of my own thoughts.

Skulking in the shadows, selfishly you deny me any pleasure as you pull me closer, you shut my mind off and my eyes cease to see how anything can bring happiness to me.

What a dangerous place I am in when I fall.
I beg to feel something right now, lust, anger, pain, just something small would be so much better than this… nothing at all.

But by the time I realise you are here you are almost gone. Halfway out the door you are slipping away and I try to drag you back. I want to confront you. I want answers as to why you come. I demand to know why you make everything numb.

But as quietly as you come you vanish. And I am left in the dark to banish the mess you left behind.

Slowly light returns and I can unwind. Over whelmed with emotion life starts to shift back to normal and you are replaced by love and laughter. By people who remind me to live.
Warm hearts embrace me
Warm hearts lead me
Warm hearts let me feel again

But I am always waiting for you to return, and when the sun in shining at full strength, that’s when I know it’s only for so long I can keep you at arm’s length.

 

Sciamachy by Lucy Moore


Sci·am·a·chy noun [sahy-amuh-kee]an act or instance of fighting a shadow or an imaginary enemy.


My battle has been to simply be.

My hardest and most endured fight; to accept my known self. A level of appreciation of my character, the basicness of content.

The achievement of happiness with I.

A journey through the ugliness of pretension. I fought to create a skin that didn’t fit the body. Slowly I moulded myself out of shape.

To resize, adjust and take in the essence.

Realisation that the battle was to stay as my nature. The expulsion of impurities made for tender days.

There is more sugar in a single lemon than in the flesh of one hundred strawberries.

Finally I found my home.

Waves by Lucy Moore

Waves or An open letter to Nutella or 9 reasons I hate you, I love you, hate, love, hate, love you…

To my smooth, chocolaty friend

1 – The very sight of your jar can bring a smile to the most bitter of men but I know under that glossy exterior is a dark and sinister side to you

2 – No matter how hard I try I can’t stay away from you, you’re my hearts friend yet the sworn enemy of my tummy

and 3 – I thought you were not good enough for me, however, you’re made of nuts which are brain food, milk to give me calcium and chocolate… derived from cocoa, which grows on a tree which kind of makes you like salad

4 -It has been 48 and a half minutes since we parted ways. And when they say absence makes the heart grow fonder they are not lying. Because I’m already craving to have you back in my sight. but I’ve seen you reduce grown men to a whimpering mess, when after finishing off a jar of you they’re left craving more

5 – You’re one part friend who listens to my problems, one part study buddy because for each page I allow myself a spoon and two parts evil diet foe

6 – I smother you on to freshly baked, buttery bread and you ooze into the cracks, dribble down my fingers and I shudder as waves of guilt, oh no wait that’s pleasure run through down my torso

7 – You are wickedly addictive, even the most unfaithful follow your heavenly cult and like a demigod we give you pride of place in our kitchen shrine

8 – You go with anything, pancakes, waffles, in pudding, on pudding, fruit, cookies, brookies, brownies. I can find you everywhere, I cannot escape you as your whore yourself around every desert menu in the country

9 – I could spread you anywhere which is proving difficult to explain when I’m out in public…

“But Daddy I Love Him” by Lucy Moore

Summers at my grandparents cottage were always long and hot. Nestled in the countryside, we were free to run and play over the rolling hills or in the streams that trickled between hundred year old oak tree roots. My two older brothers would always run faster and further away. Disappearing into knight fights with twigs that would become jewel encrusted daggers. 

My little legs could never keep up, stopping at the barn to catch my breath and by the time I looked up they had vanished into the long grass.

But the barn became my sanctuary. Inside the cool air calmed my flushed cheeks. The mice would scamper away, birds sang to their chicks and the hay bales provided a climbing frame.

I would go there everyday, sometimes taking jam sandwiches or a colouring book to pass my time.

One summer, as the days passed slowly and I was on my favourite hay bale, I heard a whimper.

Looking down into the dark, I saw two large, brown eyes looking back at me.

I climbed down and on all fours, peered into a small crevice in between two crates.

He coward.

His small paws disturbed the dust as he backed into the corner.

Once it settled I had a piece of cheese in my hand, coaxing him forward. Slowly he crept towards me, his fluffy ears and chubby tummy curious for the treat. I called him Cheddar.

For a few days I took nick knacks for him. A blanket to keep him warm at night and biscuits because they were easy to sneak from my grandmothers jar.

One day my grandfather spotted me smuggling a bottle of milk. After some questioning I gave in and told him about Cheddar.

He chuckled, patting my scruffy hair, gave strict instructions to bring my puppy home that evening.

My brothers were initially upset that I’d kept my fluffy secret from them but Cheddar quickly became a part of our family at the cottage. We all loved him. His naturally playful character made him a great companion for my brothers and I.

Summer came to an end far to quickly that year. The day my parents arrived to take us home, our belongings were neatly packed in brown leather cases.

We waited anxiously, not knowing how our father would receive our new friend. We’d patiently taught him to sit on command, hoping he would impress our parents and we’d be allowed to take him home.

We watched as their car came down the long driveway and we ran out to greet them.

We were soon having tea in the garden and our grandmother was regaling stories of our mischief over that summer. Cheddar was plodding around the garden and as agreed, our grandfather approached the subject of us taking him home.

A flat No resounded in our ears.

We tried to plead, we tried to reason but he wouldn’t budge. “But daddy, we love him”. Nothing, no budging. Our military father was as harsh and strict on us as he is on his men. Our mother didn’t meet our eyes. The car ride home was silent.

At home my brothers and I would reminisce for hours everyday after school, talking more in that first month home than we had for years.

We would see Cheddar the next summer, he was a stallion by the time we returned and bounded towards us. That summer, and each one that followed, we would run and chase and play for hours.

But I’ll never forget that first summer. For that summer we grew to love him and each other.

Smoke by Lucy Moore

The most unopposed taboo,

a smokescreen practice that affects me and you,
silently it weaves in our peripherals,
trying to dictate how liberal we can be in our literals.

Puppeteered by a few who elect to reject the select subject
some “they” have deemed “suspect”
In an attempt to perfect society,
they forget to respect a level of intellect
that we must not neglect to nurture
if we want freedom for artists to express.

Creatively they address and progress
a cultural dialogue that would otherwise be suppressed.
Bravely they approach the forbidden,
for a short time they have visited the prohibited,
broken down into fragments,
manipulated, annihilated and interrogated their subject
& unregulated they have facilitated a soon-to-be debated exhibit
for those with an open mind to visit.
And as those “educated” stand and imitate, without hesitate,
what the state has instructed them to regurgitate.

They are well rehearsed in feigning an understanding of the symbolised,
too easily they will stigmatise the pieces and
upon not comprehending the artist’s commentary on society
leave in shock.

Undoubtably they will mock and soon unlock the door of the “authoritative” body
to come crawling from their rock.
“They” will call blasphemy and pornography without viewing
the biography of an artist responding to their geography.
“You call this art? This is an insult to your counterparts!”
“They” will choke what “they” perceive as broke before proclaiming:
“You are safe, watch this disgrace go up in smoke!”

For a while “they” will feel they have silenced,
but an artist will always work unlicensed.

Glass by Lucy Moore

By Lucy Moore

A little cafe small and neat,

I duck inside to find a seat.

A corner stacked high with books,

about princesses and pirate crooks.

Here’s the perfect place I thought,

as I sipped on the tea I bought.

I’ll gaze out of this huge window,

and watch the world play out its show.

Oh the excitement of what I might see,

letting my imagination run free.

how sane is the woman with bright pink hair,

and does the vampire goth have a lair.

As I sit behind my glass shield,

my eye is caught far afield.

Approaching my secluded spot,

Non other than a puppy in polka dot.

His owner casually wearing stripes,

this town really gets all sorts of types.

Next up a girl in a suit,

not unusual but really, with leather boots?

I see a kid in a wizard’s hat,

a sausage dog, short and fat.

I stare through the clear glass pane,

perhaps my curiosity in vain.

For I could spend hours,

wondering about the people in the street,

only to realise they are just like the one here,

sitting here in my seat.