Category Archives: Toby Al-R

Voiceless by Toby Al-R

By Posted in Prose, Toby Al-R, Voiceless Leave a comment

To all the voiceless out there, I am not here to give you a voice, let’s get that right, it doesn’t trouble me to confess that I don’t care enough.

I am however inclined with a transcendent tendency to assuage and calm the entry of the Trojan horse into the gate.

I feel like I should say this;

It is more for my ears than yours,

That I have reached a conclusion; through skepticism, reason, rationalism and brain drilling arguments, that we all are… freaks in a freak show.

So embrace yourselves and raise your glass and I will be the first raise mine.

To all the voiceless bullied out there, enchant your minds with the realization that your bullies are victims of their unhappiness and unsatisfactory incompleteness. But if you don’t want to build their castles with your rubbles, then just smack the twat in the head. You will be surprised of the outcome and their hesitation to bully you again.

To all the shy and voiceless nerds and geeks out there, keep wearing your mystic cloaks and use your kukri daggers to plunder pouches of gold coins so you can purchase potions of health in your journey to defeat the gargantuan sea urchin lurking in the hidden swamp, in order to access the next level of whatever the fuck is your quest… keep living there, trust me it is a better world than the one we live in.

To all the dying out there… well, I guess we all are going to follow you sooner or later. Make the most of today, and hey! No one really knows what happen when the game is over, right?

To all the rejected and voiceless homosexuals, for one thing; statistically you are more elegant, good looking, organized and creative. Secondly; you are secretly doing humanity a favor in balancing the planet’s population. So keep splashing your colors, you are the Knights of nature whom swore an oath not to over populate a dying planet.

To the voiceless depressed and suicidal, it is a mistake that is commonly made to think that what you are feeling today is necessarily going to be the same feelings you will have in the near or far future, stay tuned and be positive, you never know what will happen! But if you insist to die… then refer to category 3!

To the voiceless insecure and lonely ones, trust me; there is no better company than yourself. I am always alone and never lonely. Imagination is far more entertaining than any conversation you might have, discover your endless maze of your mind. This life is a mysterious puzzle box, shuffle the pieces, free a bird, feed a puppy, count the stars, color a butterfly wings, collect seashells, plant a tree, and keep chasing that one look she gave to you near a grocery store. Never make the mistake to be insecure, as we are all strange, different, grotesque, odd and bizarre in one way or another… but believe in yourself and you will perform miracles… I personally moved three mountains and caught a shooting star, but all of this is irrelevant to you, because this life is a self-journey, and we all are freaks in a freak show.

After all, if you still can’t find your voice, then… trying drinking water.

Jay by Toby Al-R

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“J” stands for joy, and joy is the judge and jury to deliver justice. She is the waitress of the Mastermind.

She serves him knowledge and wisdom as she blends information in the carousel of dead horses, running in a vicious circle. The Mastermind resides in a crusted medieval fortress with a gate of raven wings and walls of shady skulls, a mosaic of death seeking to bring life to the lifeless surroundings.

Like a parasite of truth plaguing a land of lies to remove the masks from the dull headed faces.

“Jay what is the cauldron of life is offering today?”
“Regardless… get me my knife and fork.”

The Mastermind is always hungry for more, and Jay is always ready to mother and smother. She learned how to access the tree of knowledge through pain and hardship.

“You won’t need knife and fork for this cluster, Mastermind.”

Everything is in a process of change, and nothing lasts.

Life is a journey into the unknown.

And understanding things backward is the only way forward.

“Hmm bittersweet, nevertheless… tasty. Have a seat jay…”
“I never really questioned; who you really are?”

“Me? I am… an idea. That ignites your senses, I am your curiosity, your closed doors, your fantasy, your dreams and your imaginations. I am your pointless fears, your source of courage, your insanity and audacity. I am the volcano boiling your blood, the furnace blasting your head. I am your immemorial memories, your sexual desires. I am your remedy, your white noises, your endless thoughts, your companion of the dark nights, your acquaintance of the lonely ones too. I gave birth to your instincts, I sparked your tunnels, I tasted your tears and sang your laughter. I am your soul, your hunger for more.
I am your Waitress.”

Home by Toby Al-R

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Stars burst, minds blown
The bizarre disparity of this virtual reality
How did we manage to demolish humanity?
With barbed ideologies and peculiar stupidity
Hatching the egg of illusions
A splendid demonstration of failure
Worthy of a gilded medal
The alienation is successful
The smashing of individuality
Under the feet of culture’s footmen
Institutions and theocratic spears
Piercing deep the seeds of fears
We are all forced into a test
That is deemed to fail
We all think we understand
The unimaginable, the indescribable
As we take down the steps of chaos
A slow down glide into the ditch
The depth of the abyss
And once we cut through the blinding veil
And witness the backfire of darkness
The one history spent decades conjuring
A flashback of images will haunt our eyes
As the wheel of time loses its momentum
In an unreversed direction
Heading straight into a cosmic drama
Hearing the invisible mouth
Speaking pompous and posthumous words
Slicing the drums of our ears
How did we manage to accept this path?
Of a total destruction to our only home
Why are we too polite and obedient?
Why do we line up in this toxic corridor?
And willingly shackle ourselves
With anti-human chains
On a platform so odiously
And clearly intellectually bankrupt
The roots of our home are deteriorating
In the swamp of greed and decay
The one we all happily produced
With the bulkiness of our melted ego
The inevitable is undeniable
Unless we reignite the engine of consciousness
The home will collapse.

Box by Toby Al-R

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I know some people believe in angels, see I don’t understand that, but anyways.

There are more galaxies out there than the grains of sand on this planet, so what do I know?

We tend to dismiss this splendid conundrum of life and we worry about jobs, exams and things that are shallower than a second coat of paint on a bench seat.

The mouth of curiosity and wisdom is speaking to us, with the language of silence and the sound of nothing, how can we understand it? It is sitting there like a big block of foggy ice waiting for us to break it.

So then, let me say this; my last romantic date was with an escort… I had to pause there, I can feel the awkwardness around me. Well she was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. What? I thought you believe in angels, what happened now?

It is okay, time is a mystic teacher. But time needs time.

You see, life drilled things into my forehead like an alienating Indian ritual; I am not supposed to be understood and I owe nothing to anybody.

Prospective can be different once the boundaries are dissolved, to become one with the universe, nakedly dancing in the spiritual lake of ease.

The ill concealers will do their best with their hypnotizing gadgets and silly toy guns. But the truth always shines itself out, it shines so brightly it will end up blinding them. Then they will say; well now we can’t see it. I say they can’t handle it.

We worry about things that might never happen, what are we afraid of? Unleash yourself, follow your curiosity; you are not going to die! Well… you actually might, depending on your level of imagination.

But then I think death is exciting. Think of it that way; at least you won’t have to go to the toilet again, ever. Or sleep with an alarm on; so you can wake up for a stupid job only to make money and buy trivial stupid things.

Or it could well be the final answer to our philosophical question; what is afterlife? It is possible that an angel will fall, take your hand and escort you… well let’s not go there again.

I think being dead is to be dead, complete nothingness. The good thing about it that you wouldn’t know it happened anyway, because you just died. I think it is a win win situation. But what do I know?

They say we are made of stardust or perhaps clot of blood. I think we are made of illusionary microorganisms, fifth dimensional bacteria of the vast universe.

Whatever it is, whoever we are; I kind of like it. This ceremonial platform is filled with; mystery, dance, drama, sensational touches, kisses, winks, hugs songs, painting naked bodies, expression, creativity, smiles, individuality and chasing love.

It is fun, take it easy, enjoy it and don’t forget; your life is inside an invisible box of glass. Break it! Shatter it! And walk through. Underneath you, you will hear the ground cracking festive sounds.

Book by Toby Al-R

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I open my eye lids like a fortress gate
For you to step in the orthogonal domain
And discover the labyrinth of my mind
Please don’t be afraid and make yourself at home
The home of madness, the sanctuary of centuries Continue reading →

Traitor by Toby Al-R

By Posted in Poetry, Toby Al-R, Traitor Leave a comment

In the hallway of time, that leads to the forbidden chamber of memories
I stand immobilized with my feet glued onto the polished tiles
The light recedes for the nightmares to invade the place like a group of mercenaries
The walls turn black, I stand like a shadow inside the darkness.
I merge with the nothingness
My feet crumble underneath me, I fall…
Into a field of dead snow; covering a grey grass with fractured leaves
Where trees are growing upside down
Their roots are performing an acrobatic dance in the dimmed sky
They curl and swirl above my eyes, they cuddle and struggle then drop a broken twig
Or is it?
It is moving… could it be a slug?
Leaving behind it a trail of slime
Of all the unworthiness it contained, it pulls its body, drags its burden and attempts to leave the field of dead snow
Seeking new horizons, perhaps a stairway to the lands beyond reality
But it is cold… cold enough to crack the ground open and swallow you into a tunnel leading to a lower level
Of layer beyond layer of charcoaled burnt ashes of forgotten words, names, faces and moments
The dusty smell ignites your senses, like a resurrection of the dead. Your dead heart-
And just before the complete surrender, to the dull emptiness… the slug grew wings
Not any wings… but colorful ones
It shifted itself into a butterfly
Leading behind it a silky wave of joy
It slowly wrapped me up like a mummy in a beautiful coffin
I opened my eyes again to the sound of the whispering slug
“You promised to never look back into the wasted past, you promised me to never betray your vow!”
I look at the vastness of the place I have been taken to, at the magnificent landscape hungrily waiting for me…
I then gently lean down and reply; “never again will I be a traitor.”

Melancholy by Toby Al-R

By Posted in Depression, Melancholy, Prose, Toby Al-R Leave a comment

I took a pause and thought about the idea of depression, but I swiftly came to the conclusion that I and the idea are mutually divorced. I found inner peace long ago and I can’t seem to even remotely relate.

So I sat on my wooden mahogany desk, while resting my chin on my interlocked fingers; staring at a small statue of a stony Socrates face. It gazed back at me with its devious eyes and emitted to my mind gloomy visions of futuristic epochs.

Continue reading →

Justice by Toby

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affklnkjsdbnkjgl;sangkljs’ankgl’vfnkjl… BAM-BAM

Now that I have bashed my keyboard to eviscerate some of the rage imbedded deep inside my tormented soul, I feel slightly at ease and in control. Continue reading →

Bloody Mess by Toby Al-R

By Posted in Blood, Prose, Toby Al-R Leave a comment

The wheels of time are rolling and rolling; dragging millions of peons and blind laborers excavating my heart. Operation governed by discrimination and classism empowered by the fascism of greed and a bloodbath of showering dollars. Continue reading →

Superhero/Supervillian by Toby Al-R

By Posted in Poetry, Superhero, Supervillian, Toby Al-R Leave a comment

Like the sound of a violin drilling through my bones
I hear you in the pounding waves of the clapping sea
I hear your enfeeble whispers in the dry sand where I stand Continue reading →

Color by Toby Al-R

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What color are you? She asked.

And there it started, the journey of the seven relics, there I immersed in an immense essence of nonsense. A chromatic voyage to the hidden land of a thousand lands, to the lands of crawling hands. Continue reading →

Sciamachy by Toby Al-R

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Sci·am·a·chy noun [sahy-am–uh-kee]: an act or instance of fighting a shadow or an imaginary enemy.

A couple of decades ago I was born on earth, a blue sphere floating in space… Where silence shout mystic manners and reasons fade into oblivion.

I always wondered what the hell all of this is all about. Is it all real, or an illusion? Or perhaps nothing but an immemorial memory and our lives are a series of flash backs?

What is the purpose anyway? Is it really a test? I mean I didn’t sign up for any test! And what kind of test takes course over a billion of years?

So… What the hell is going on?

Maybe, just maybe… The whole point is to prevail against the ultimate enemy; he confused every mind and scarred every heart, he is invisible and invincible, manipulative and deceiving, a scarlet scavenger. The master of disguise, the owner of billion masks.

And no… I am not talking about the devil. For me the credibility of the devil’s existence is not more than Gandalf, Sun Wukong, Donkey Kong and many other fictional characters.

I am talking about something far more sinister, he is everywhere and nowhere, a shape-shifter, an entity of mirrors, the shadow of shadows. He approaches with many different faces and you almost always have to question which one is the real one.

People fear him and tremble in his presence… He is the fathomless enigmatic fate, many avoid him and choose to never even try to face him. On the other hand, many people spend their life time searching for him, to face him in the ultimate Sciamachy.

The way he smites is unconventional, he will ambush you anytime anywhere, charm you, trick you and when the time is right he will backstab you, mixing affection with affliction. If his strike is not lethal he will change his face then disappear into the mist, only to revisit you with a different face in a different time.

Always remember; he will never show his real face right away. It is your task to decode his secret. He will either purge your transparent heart or tar it black. I heard if you can defeat his fake clones and find the real one, he will reward you with something rather heavenly.

I once thought I found him, our battle lasted for many agonizing years. Clash of mental swords that cut deeper than the sharpest steel. Back and forth we fought in the sweetest, most excruciating dance… until the final blow, only to realize he was nothing but another fake clone.

I can’t wait to find him… the real one.
He is the purpose of life. He is the meaning of life.
He is what everyone needs. What everyone want.
If you haven’t guessed it yet…
His celestial name is… LOVE.

Waves by Toby Al-R

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I hope you are ready for some random rage!

Because I am agitated, irritated for being facilitated to get levitated only to be dictated in a premeditated, disorientated system in desperate need to be rehabilitated.

The world is collapsing down, my mind is going haywire and the waves of anger are coming at ya!

Human beings… those invidious parasites, slowly climbed the ladder of the most brutal predators and managed to fail and f*** up everything around them then ironically and proudly claim the sanctity of life… And by the way; f*** consumerism and f*** advertisement too.

We skin the endangered animals only to make an expensive jacket… hello??? We dump a fish in a bowl only to see it circle around for a split second of our day and cage a bird only to hear it sing for our own disgusting amusement.

We kill nature by burning trees only to build factories to kill it even more. And everyone seem to be feeling just f***ing alright about it, because we are too busy shopping!

You know! It is just that cool to drive a Ferrari while there is a child somewhere that is too thirsty with nothing to drink, it just happens mysteriously that a liter of petrol to fuel your car is cheaper than a liter of water.

We teach girls to be plastic and boys to be bullies, we reward army soldiers, or should I say killers! With honor medals and crown a king for being a royal descendant to play judge, jury and executioner. So much for stratification… We just mysteriously forgot that we are all one specie.

I say “we” because the majority is not bothered, we flipped the table and turned this pristine earth to a board game, the puppet masters are playing their game and the rest are under global hypnosis.

It is Musical Chairs in slow pace, for once the music stops; a person, a company or a country is going bankrupt. Are you not entertained by the circus show? Then plant the seed of differences among those slaves, guilt trip them with religion, let it be their only solace, brainwash them to believe theirs is the right one, so you know… Murder can be negotiable… and finally lay down and watch them worship in a warship.

Say there is a monster underneath every child’s bed yet there is a child inside every monster. Turn freedom into something you have to fight for, enslave the mass under controlled debt, so even wiping your tears will cost money.

Tell the media that war is NOT the most profitable business which costs nothing but lives. Tell them it is homeland security against terrorists and mysterious zombies coming to eat your brains, trust me they will believe it. They already did! And are too afraid for their belongings and their Versace wallets, bomb those zombies, bomb them all! They will shout vain.

Control education and the capability of critical thinking, capture and assign the genius ones to develop weapons of mass destruction and educate the rest just enough to follow the rules, the rules we made of course.

Tell them it is natural to have poor and rich, even mention it in religions and let it be the words of God. Don’t you dare hint that the earth is the heritage of all, don’t you dare include this in the concept of equality. Let the structural violence emerge followed by hatred, envy and greed then tell them it is all… genetic, so we can have an excuse to build jails and get rid of those who fall in the trap we set and no longer fit in our box. It is like putting fuel into fire then get angry at the outcome.

Striking similarity in the story of God creating the devil then getting angry of him and whoever he influenced. I wonder if he created us in his own image or in fact we created him in our own image. I leave the enigma for you to solve, but either way both answers will result in psychosis.

More people died in the name of God than all other reasons combined. May heaven be their reward in afterlife. For everyone believes their God is the true one, it is a circle of stupidity resulting in thousands of dead fools. But let it be… the livings will continue the board game and slowly fabricate the rules to their interest, let the rich get richer and the poor get poorer.

Create viruses and diseases then sell the medicine, never forget the motto; maximize profit at all costs.

Make sure to strip off people’s individuality and maintain the sheep in line, for we have more slaves in this generation than any other time in history.

Legalize weapons but illegalize their use, because we are civilized and we have civil wars! We are special creatures, we invented; sacrifice, torture, suicide and necrophilia! Give us a credit! Let us rule these lands and f*** everything around… Until this planet is completely messed up and we are finally wiped out and vaporized back to the universe by the waves of anger… To embrace the stars.

Collaboration by Toby and L

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L
Here it is, the moment of truth. This majestic building always gets to me; I’ve visited and toured every inch of this place so many times. I have memorized every hallway, know every door. My dream school, the crème de la crème of all wizardry schools. Today’s visit, though, is different. I’m about to face my fate, and every time I think about it, I get sick to my stomach. The entrance exam is infamous, a challenge of one’s magic and a test of one’s character. I have been working so hard to get here and I will not let all my hard work go to waste. I will take any task they give me and impress them to the highest degree, and I will stomp on anyone who will try to get in my way.

Toby
Here I am shrouded in my mystic vestment and consumed by the charm of this transcendent place, nervous and excited. It feels like the eye balls on the hanged portrayed pictures follow me as I walk the corridors then through the divine library to the recruiting chamber of this magnificent wizard academy. The scent of ancient books whiff my face and a wave of enchantment goes through my chest as I enter. My heart-throbs ring louder than fighting swords as my eyes shelter the circle of strangers and highly advanced wizards along with the headmaster. Myself! My dream! And books… My holy trinity. “Who are they to judge me?” I thought to myself as I examined every line in their faces. In humility I swallowed my pride knowing this place will flourish my magic.

L
The headmaster’s office is at the end of the East Hall. The large doors creak open on their own and I lay my eyes on a beautiful room. Morning light sparkles off of magical trinkets lining the walls. I see crystal balls, ornate swords, delicate boxes made of rubies and emeralds. And there he is, the headmaster. I am in front of a legend, and am completely star struck. So much that I cannot even look at him in the eyes until he starts to greet us. “Hello everyone, it’s always exciting to meet new potential students!” wait, what? New students? Does this mean we are not accepted yet? Everyone has the same shocked expression. He looks down, smirks and looks right at us. His gaze looks like he’s looking at all of us individually, oh the presence he has. “You are not all students yet, you have one final task. Or should I say spell. All of you have to construct a beautiful poetic spell. The more beautiful the lines you speak and portray in a magic spell, the better chance you have to get in.” He pauses takes a step forward and continues, “This is not a test of only your magic ability, but we are also testing your imagination and creativity.” 

Toby
Creativity and imagination, I got this in the bag, I thought to myself. Then started to quickly and instinctively revise, shuffle and scramble the spells I know in my head:
“Ashes to ashes serenity to dust, fire to spire severity to lust!” But the baby phoenix is a disappointment to see, I yet need to learn how to summon the real legendary one.
“Gloomy golem of the solstice solace, unfix and hex this person!” Maybe I should cast it on this faceless manipulator, which would be the headmaster, to temporary turn him to a toad.
What else? Umm, “Children of the lost soul, hear my call!” Perhaps I need use this casting mojo right now to give me clear vision in times of trouble.
The children have whispered; your true rival is yourself followed by the last person to enter this room. She was a girl… I looked at her and wondered; how strong is her magic and what spells can she cast?

L
He’s giving more quantity than quality, I know what the headmaster wants, and I don’t think throwing all these random spells with no literary creativity is going to be in his favor. He asked us to have something lyrical and poetic, and I will give him something he will never forget. (Spell and what it does) I impress everyone with haiku, simple and sweet. Less is always more, especially with magic. The rest of the potential students all give their best and I’m left scared, not knowing who is staying and who is leaving. The headmaster stops us and finally says, “I am very impressed, and have come up with a decision.” Then, he gives us the surprise of our lives. “Everyone here was accepted all along. The reason for this is to show you all that in order to be in this school, you learn from other. You are a family…” 

Toby
With absolute joy everyone fixated their eyes on the headmaster, I in the other hand flipped my wand between my fingers and thought to myself: Family we are, yes! But competitiveness is cascading the air. Some may not appreciate our spells but in unity the true magic of every wizard in here lies deep inside our eyes, the gate to our souls. Because once you ogle inside the obsidian eyes…the fall goes deeper than the rabbit hole. You will find inside a wonderland with glittering sand. You will walk through snowy deadwood and find antiquated maps leading to tombs of sadness buried underneath the underworld and tunnels leading to happiness bigger than life itself. And at the deepest core of it you will read our wizardry magic in a written piece presented to THIS wizard academy.

Noah by Toby Al-R

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In order to understand this, you must first learn who Noah really is.

The day was beautiful.

The sky kissed the sea to become bluer and birds hovered over the trees singing a train of magical melody. But I was on the verge of depression; collecting fragments of my lost heart, I am overwhelmed with debt, my wife filing divorce papers, my children abandoned me and they occasionally send me hate letters.

Rumors echoed in the strip club that they want to get rid of me. After thirty years of coordinating their mic… I guess I am getting too old to represent the beauty of the youth.

My fifth decade struck yet I have lost everything I worked for! Heck I even lost track of days. So today I am going to treat myself… by blowing up what remained in my wallet in a luxurious restaurant.

Upon my arrival and settling on the regal table the waitress recommended to me the chef’s special, I went for it and started to examine the stainless steel fork and knife, the posh napkins and candles, the lush chandelier and the distinctive decoration of the restaurant.

Time passed in exchange for the dish to arrive topped with a haddock on a bed of samphire. The succulent plant were too salty for me but I convinced myself it must taste good being that expensive.

I took my time and treasured this moment of reality escape. Oh how I wished for a fresh new start for me and all humanity. To strip off all the negative attributes we created upon ourselves and wash the sins of our own creation.

I closed my eyes…

And the universe responded to my dream;

Tectonic shocks crept to the ground!

The sky turned ruby red!

A wormhole drilled the space and spawned a new earth-like planet!

The hibernated moon is finally awake! It orbited closer to the sun and obliterated hatching billions of mega speed dolphins swimming in the space.

Years passed and people learnt how to tame the dolphins and travel through space in flashing speed. I was the first to set foot on the new planet. To start a new beginning for humanity with no dusty book to follow and no rusty stanza to obey. Because in here all rules are under one rule, Noah’s rule of no rules.

Along with my followers we started to construct the biggest stripping stage ever nested on the ground, it is going to be the capital of the new planet for all the people to come and strip off their clothes along with the old traditions. A place beyond war debt greed hunger taxes disease poverty pollution crime vengeance extinction consumption slavery unemployability corporatism corruption stratification and all the sins of our own creation.

It is time to STRIP OFF!

The new planet is magnificent, mysterious and pristine with abundance for all. In the summer ice cracks burning fissures and in the winter frozen volcanoes spit blue tongues. And today the stage is set for the opening night.

People started to forsake the earth and swarm the new planet leaving behind only the richest elite cruising their yachts and using their golden toilets realizing there is no one left to steal from.

Music gushed from the ground, light beams crisscrossed like a fishing net set to capture your mind with excessive euphoria. I held the microphone like a king holding his scepter.

When I was just about to give the first announcement, I suddenly;

Opened my eyes…

Only to see the waitress holding the bill.